Howdy, guys and dolls. It's been a hot minute since I've poured my heart out onto this here blog, but can you blame me? The world turned upside down this year – and yes, that is a Hamilton reference. We entered a worldwide pandemic; we were only allowed outside once a day earlier in the year; hugging your mum was technically illegal; Donald Trump almost got impeached; Australia suffered 240 consecutive days of bush fires; the Black Lives Matter movement grew at an unprecedented pace (come on, I had to throw that word in there somewhere); and we've been living in the centre of the sun for the past two weeks. Aces.
On a personal level, my world turned upside down too. I came second in the running for three or four new jobs at the start of this year; I left my job as a writer in April and became unemployed; I decided to change career path entirely and train to become a primary school teacher; I went the longest I've ever gone without seeing my parents; I spent over 600 hours creating my dream island on Animal Crossing; and – here's the biggun – I've not left the country all year. Bummer. It's been a S T R U G G L E for so many of us this year, for so many different reasons. But the biggest thing we've had to contend with? The lockdown that came hand-in-hand with this pandemic.
It may sound obvious, but I feel like my emotions have gone on a top-speed loop the loop ride through the entirety of lockdown. Ignorant, sceptical, apprehensive, scared, sad, lonely, lost, relaxed, satisfied, excited, anxious... the list goes on. Because I'm a walking cliché, I just blimmin' hate change. Change from normality into lockdown? Panic inducing. Change from lockdown into slightly lifted lockdown? Nerve-wracking. Change from slightly lifted lockdown into almost back to normality? Terrifying. When it comes to change, it's the uncertainty that tags along for the ride that worms it way into my mind. Should I be following the rules to a T? Are there exceptions to the rules? Can I hug my mum? Am I helping the economy or endangering others by going shopping? Am I wasting the sunny weather by staying inside? So many questions were flying through my mind on a daily basis and still are. Hey, we're not in the clear yet...
But do you know what? I'm allowed to feel those things. You're allowed to feel those things. We're all allowed to feel exactly how we feel right now as this is something that none of us have ever lived through before. It's okay if you haven't met the goals you set yourself at the start of lockdown; it's okay if you haven't created a masterpiece; it's okay if you're still struggling to go outside and meet with others. This is a completely unique experience that will no doubt shape all of us. You see, we're never going back to normal. We're getting ready to welcome something a heck of a lot better. Hang tight, the rainbow is on its way...
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