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Monday 29 April 2024


This weekend was a new one for me; I went to meet my friends WITHOUT my baby for the first time since she was born. Should I have been filled with elation for my novel sense of independence? Yes. Should I have wanted to savour every baby-free minute that I had been granted? Yes. Should I have hungered to lose myself in adult conversations? Yes. Did I actually feel any of these things? Not so much. Despite my new-found freedom, all I could think about was how my husband and daughter were spending their Sunday together. And before anyone says it, I did not feel an ounce of mum guilt. I simply desired to be with them, living our boring little life. Who would have guessed it? (Not two-month postpartum me, that's for sure).

One of the most valuable lessons I've learned in motherhood so far is that every 'boring' moment turns into one of glee and exploration. Sorting through a basket of fresh washing used to be a chore to tick off the to do list; it's now a chance to see how many instructions my one-year-old can understand and follow. The weekly food shop used to be a time-consuming Sunday activity; it's now a literal rollercoaster ride. Tidying up my bedroom used to be a task I would dread; now it's a golden opportunity to hear my daughter's little giggle as I chase her across the landing with something I should have put away weeks ago.

Don't get me wrong; one of my main qualms with maternity leave was how monotonous it was. Someone once described it to me as living Groundhog Day for nine months and boy did that really hit the nail on the head. Sticking to a rigerous feeding schedule; having a time limit when out of the house so that I wouldn't fall victim to the infamous 'nap trap'; constantly trying to think of ways that I could fill up my every hour... I have no shame in declaring that that was not the life for me. But one year on, sat in an instagrammable restaurant in Central London, I found myself longing for monotony. 

I've never been particularly extroverted, regularly waiting for the first person to leave the party so that I can swiftly follow. That's not to say that I don't enjoy my down-time with my friends; brunch dates and theatre trips have always been two very worthy pastimes in my world. Despite always striving for simplicity, there's always been a part of me that's wondered if I'm missing out. And do you know what I've discovered? I'm not wanting for anything. It may have taken bringing life into this world for me to realise, but I think I like this little life (if you know you know). I am totally and unapologetically in my mum era. And I wouldn't change it for the world.

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