TAKING STOCK: A LETTER TO SAY I LOVE YOU

Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash

Dear Mum, I know that it's cliché to say it but, I could not ask for a better Mother than you. You have blessed me with the most incredible support system over the past twenty years, and I miss you every day that we don't talk. To have a Mother that doubles as a best friend is an absolute privilege. Moving away to university was especially difficult for me because of the loving home that you had made for me, so much so that I simply did not want to leave. I love that I can tell you all of my secrets; I love that we have little traditions and jokes; I love that you would do everything in your power to make me happy. You are the light that guides me home.

Dear Dad, you simply always know what to say. Whether I've had a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad year, you are constantly offering me words of wisdom to help me fight through. Making you proud is one of the most important goals in my life. Thank you for putting your absolute all into making my life a better one - whether that be through comforting me during difficult times, or simply emailing me funny dog videos every now and then. I don't know many people of my age that can say they've sat up until 2am, multiple times, talking about politics, history, just life with their Dad. I hope that we never lose that.

Dear Adam, as brothers go, you're not so bad. Growing up with an older brother taught me a great deal, and the respect that I feel for you cannot be heightened. When you moved to university, I was only 13, and I felt as though I barely knew you. Living in our house without you for four years was actually quite lonely, to tell you the truth. I will be forever grateful for the year that we had back together, before it was my time to move out. Within the space of a year, I got my brother back, and I gained a new best friend.

Dear Jack, we've been together for five months now, but it feels like so much longer. I've always thought of myself as a relationship person; a little bit lost without another person to lean on. With you, I am completely found. You bring light to my life every single day, and you inspire me to be a better version of myself. Whether it's fitness, studying, or general day to day life, you give me the motivation that I need to push forward. Thank you for coming into my life, and thank you for staying and loving me with all of your being.

Dear Lyndsey, where would I be without my best friend? I still find it funny that our friendship expanded due to a mutual obsession with One Direction. I have everything to thank those boys for now, as they brought my favourite person into my life. It's comforting to know that no matter where we both end up, we won't be far apart. Whether we speak all day long, or once a week, our friendship will always remain just as strong and unbreakable. Thank you for being my agony aunt, my partner in crime, and my shoulder to cry on.

Sometimes, you've just got to share the love.

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LET'S TALK ABOUT: GRATITUDE

Photo by Hanny Naibaho on Unsplash

About one month ago, I experienced the tragedy of my MacBook turning off and not rebooting. Assuming the worst, I was in utter despair at the thought of losing my most precious belonging. As it so happened, it shut down on me during a stay at home in Nottingham, and so when I arrived back to Manchester on the Sunday morning, I raced towards the Apple store with all of my might. On the way, however, I was stopped in my tracks by an overwhelming pang of guilt. Within the five minute walk from Manchester Piccadilly Train Station into the city centre, I had walked past at least three homeless men, begging on their hands and knees for anything that they could get. There I was, in a fluster because my luxury of a laptop had failed on me, when there were people without a penny to their name sitting inches away from me. Needless to say that I felt shameful.

A week or two later, I came across the following saying - 'Go 24 hours without complaining, then see how your life starts changing'. After feeling such remorse about the lucky position that myself and millions of others have in this world, it became strikingly obvious how much I have to be grateful for. Combining this revelation with the challenge to stop complaining, I was overcome with a sense of appreciation and respect for my life and everyone in it. With so much to live for, to go 24 hours without making a single complaint shouldn't seem so difficult. In comparison to the tens of homeless that I pass every single day on the street, I have everything. Absolutely everything. So what is there to complain about? I am grateful for...

→ The loving family and friends that I have, who I can rely on for anything and everything
→ Having enough money to receive higher-education (or education at all, for that matter)
→ A job that I thoroughly enjoy (or again, a job at all)
→ The luxuries of a laptop and a phone
→ The luxuries of shelter and hot water
→ Being able to treat myself to all of the fashion and beauty bits that I discuss on this blog
→ Having the means to run this blog
→ Having enough money to jet off to anywhere that I want for a 'much-needed' holiday
→ The chance to spoil my friends and family with birthday and Christmas presents
→ Being around family for Chrismtas
→ Having the freedom to choose what I do with the majority of my time
→ Living in one of England's most vibrant cities
→ Having access to free health care
→ Having the freedom to vote
→ Being able to laugh at something every single day

The list of what I am grateful for could go on until the end of time. Living in the Western world has given us all the automatic privilege to freedom and more money than we technically need - an easier foundation in life. It doesn't hurt to appreciate all that we have every once in a while. I hold my hands up high and declare that I am as guilty as anybody else at brushing all of that gratitude under the carpet, but I would like things to change. More time for gratitude means less time for complaining - and I will see how my life starts to change. And you should too.

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TAKING STOCK: WHY MY DOG IS THE LOVE OF ME LIFE

For almost 14 years now, the love of my life has been my dog, Otto. As he is getting older and older, it's becoming more and more obvious how little time we have left together. I've been aware for a good few years now that he might not be around for much longer, but he's pulled through any rough patches, and he still jumps and around and acts like a young dog. The expected age of a Weimaraner is 11, so he's successfully passed his expiry date! Despite not acting like the average old dog, he's lost most of his hearing, and he looks increasingly unhealthy as his ribs become more and more visible. It's only a matter of time before he passes away, but the mere thought of that alone is enough to shatter my heart into a thousand pieces.

To anybody that has never had a dog, and especially to anybody that has never even had a pet, it might sound strange when I say that Otto has been 'there for me'... but it's true. Whenever I've been going through a rough period, or I've been upset over one thing or the other, I found a source of comfort in confiding in him. Maybe it's just because he can listen, and there isn't any awkwardness of him not knowing what to respond with - he just listens, which is what I need far more often than not. Whatever the reason, he's helped me in dark periods of my life... I miss him ever so much when I'm at uni because nothing is quite like the support system of a dog.

My family and I have far too many stories of Otto, some good, some bad, and some just plain ugly. My favourite few include:- the time that he was locked in the garage with 48 packets of crisps in big cardboard boxes... and he ate them all, plastic packets included! the year that my mum bought special easter eggs with our names iced on, and otto managed to find them under her bed one day and he ate them all! the first time i came home from uni since moving to manchester, he ran around the house for 5 long minutes to show me how excited he was

Otto is honestly the love of my life; he's never let me down. I was only 5 when we got him, so I don't remember a time when he wasn't around. Although I live without him now, as I live in Manchester, there'll be a hole in my heart when he finally dies. It'll be almost eerie to come home and to not be greeted by a happy dog, to be sniffed, and licked, and pushed over. As I'm typing this, he's lying next to me on the floor, fast asleep, with his leg and tail twitching every now and then as his body reacts to the dream he's having.

No word of a lie, I could not have asked for a more loving dog to help me grow up. The reason we got Otto in the first place is because I was like most other 5 year old girls - I was terrified of big dogs. So what did my Dad decide was the best idea to get me over my fear? To have one in our house. Obviously I loved him straight away, as he was a tiny puppy when we first brought him home. But as he grew into a bigger dog, the type that I was scared of, I'd already grown to love him, and so my fear slowly went away.

Sure, I complain about him from time to time, but who doesn't complain about the thing that they love occasionally? He's annoying, he eats food that he's not supposed to eat, he will not leave you alone if you're the only person in the house, he'll cry for my dad when he's not here, he begs for food as if he hasn't been fed in over a month, and he ran away uncountable times when he was younger. But he's a dog - it's his job to do all of those things. At the end of the day, he's been a source of comfort for me and my family, and he's been a best friend.

I was prepared to lose him in October when we had a scare that he was in pain and couldn't function properly anymore, but he's still here, 6 months later, just as healthy as ever. I'm no fool - he won't be around for much longer. He's old, the vet told us a year ago that he has cancer, and his senses are slowly deteriorating. All I can say is that I'm beyond thankful that I've had the opportunity to have such an amazing friend for the past 14 years, and that I'm glad that my family and I could give him such a long and happy life.

I love you, Otto. You will forever be the love of my life.

Edit: Otto passed away at 2am on April 17th. He wasn't particularly ill when I wrote this post, it was just a coincidence that I happened to write it 27 hours before he died. There are no words that can express the pain I'm currently feeling, and how much he will be throughly missed.

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